Friday, June 15 x 11:00 PM

to you:

let me start off with stating the one fact we both agree on: we're friends. we're just friends.

it's the truth. in some weird way, i believe it completely.

what i'm about to say might seem like a contradiction, but it's not.

you ARE just a friend to me. but i admit that you're special to me. i don't treat you the way i treat my other guy friends. i like having you around. i look around for you when you're not. i'd rather spend time with you than with those "kung sino-sinong lalaking sinasamahan", in your words. i openly admit to people that it's you i like, but don't worry. i'm quick to clarify that we're just friends. even if i do like you and even if it's you i want to be with, you are just a friend.

and i know that i'm just a friend to you. but the things you do don't seem very platonic. the constant teasing, your being uber affectionate, the "love you"s after the teasing, the hugs, the "meaning-full" things you say and do. somehow, i know you mean the things you say and do, but i believe you when you say we're just friends.

friends with benefits. it's crossed my mind, that we could just be that. but i don't think we are. we're friends that probably feel something for each other, but that's about it.

i know i probably have a special place somewhere in your life. it may not be THE special place, but i know that i am at least your friend.

i do feel twinges, pangs, and sometimes, blows to the heart and gut when i'm reminded that there ARE other 'people' in your life. sometimes, i want to ask you about them, ask them who they are, who they are to you. then i remind myself that i have no right to ask you about them. i'm a friend, and i have no right to be jealous. yes, it hurts, but i will never show you. unlike some other people in the office *ahem ahem*, i know what's right. i know my place.

sometimes, i want to ask you if i'm special to you. sometimes, i want to ask you what you're thinking. and feeling. but i won't. if there's one thing i've learned, it's that things are better when we just go with the flow.

so for now, i'm enjoying your company. i'll enjoy where we are right now, the oxymoron of a situation we're in. i know that THIS is real. THIS might be too difficult to explain, because even i have a hard time explaining it to myself. but i do understand it.

i want to let you know i do enjoy your company. and i'd like to continue being in and enjoying your company. i think you're beginning to finally get it; maybe i'd been spending too much time with everyone else in the past for you to have seen it. i don't mean to scare you off or pressure you into making a commitment or anything like that, so i'm not going to tell you nor am i going to do anything extreme or stupid. i just want to continue to be the way we are---friends.

so thank you. i hope things stay the way they are---in a nice, comfortable and waffy place. :)