Saturday, March 31 x 1:03 AM

i don't want to jinx anything by saying anything.

anlabo no?

i'm such a cynic. i think i should be happy. and to a certain extent, i am happy. but if this is all a cruel practical joke, then ha-ha. joke's on me.

life's been so good, i can't believe it. really, i can't. how is it that i ended up with such great new officemates who have become such good friends in such a short period of time? how is that.. that..

maybe i've watched one too many chick flicks. haha.

i'll take it one step at a time. god, please don't let me do or say anything stupid. and please don't let anyone make a fool of me. if they do, i'll wither up and die. like a prune. do prunes die?

i am a stupid, insecure girl. but if everything and everyone is true, then i can't ask for anything more.

Thursday, March 29 x 9:22 PM

work is surprisingly fun. so far. but maybe that's because i still sit with my chin in my hands and watch people walk by. the most i do is accompany everyone. to the 11th floor, to hr, to accounting, billing, to the jolly jeep around the corner for "forage," kikiam and fish balls, to mcdonalds to fulfill cravings, to ministop and watsons for snacks.

oh, and i went with gian to watch him orient a call center. the weirdest thing happened while gian and i were kidding around, waiting for the orientation to start.

me: uhh.. gian, parang the guy outside is staring. it's so weird.
gian: at you?
me: no, maybe at you.
gian: ayy!
*the phone in the conference room rings*
me: gian, answer the phone!
gian: hello? yes? yung kasama ko na girl? from intellicare? name niya? chrissie garcia.
me: what the hell was that?
gian: the people outside want to know your name.
me: what? who? you're joking me na naman eh! kainis ka!
gian: what, kakausapin ko lang yung phone pero walang tao sa kabilang line? narinig mo naman nag-ring diba?

wtf talaga.

anyway, tomorrow i'm off to makati med. i hope the people at the office miss me, bwahaha. :p

Friday, March 23 x 10:41 PM

the working girl, chapter 2

and so, 3 days into my new job, i am still a wallflower. or deskflower. or squatterflower. because i have no desk to call my own.

what do i do now? well, i'm an account officer. in training. when in the training period and in the moments that i am not being oriented or trained, i sit. with my chin on my hands, as the people around me make frantic phone calls and flit around like the busybees they are. and i continue to sit, sometimes staring blankly into space, until the other account officers ask me if i'm alright. or start playing with my hair.

the getting-to-know-you process is always excruciating, because i am an extremely neurotic and paranoid person. but my officemates are so extremely nice, so it helps ease my nerves. it's really sweet that they keep asking if i'm ok, especially when my thoughts start drifting for lack of things to do. lunch at amici was nice too, i got to talk to the other AOs that i didn't get to talk to before, and everyone's always trying to make me feel comfortable.

people from primetrade have been texting me the past 3 days. i miss them a lot, i really do. and i'm really really glad they still remember me. i visited them after work today, and they were so sweet. i also visited jupiter, and in the 4 short days i've been gone, starbucks jupiter changed its layout. it's freaking me out! the world i knew is changing!!!

my nerves and paranoidness are working overtime. i need to rest, doing nothing all day gets pretty tiring.

Monday, March 19 x 1:07 PM

anxiety.

today is the first day i'm unemployed.

i hate it. i hate it very much. i'm bored, i want to go out, i don't want to stagnate here at home and let my mind wander and think things that i shouldn't be thinking.

like how much i'll miss primetrade and working on the shroud.

or all the other problems. all the doubts. worries.

i was supposed to start working today. i'm glad i have the day off especially since i was sick all of last week, and i'm glad i got to go back to the office and hang out with everyone for a while. but i'm also worried about the thing they found in my right apex in my x-ray during my pre-employment check up. i hope it's nothing. i hope the pulmonologist clears me today, so i can start working asap.

working with new officemates terrifies me. being alone and a loner terrifies me. and because of that, i don't want to start at my new job just yet. :(

haha damn insecurities.

Tuesday, March 13 x 10:37 PM

it's finally final. my last day is this friday, the 16th.

i'm finally leaving. i'm excited and terrified at the same time. i'm going to miss the little things. i'm terrified i'll do horribly at my new job.

oh and i had a hairycut! i FINALLY got bangs! woohoo! pictures to follow.

saturday was 300 and parlor day in glorietta / greenbelt with dianneee and allen. parlor day again next month, yay! there are a bunch of pics of my hair getting cut, not so exciting haha, it's in allen's multiply.

dianne and i met up with florian, and we ortigas girls got a little lost in makati before heading off to metrowalk for drinks at phi bar. oc joined us and we all bemoaned our love lives. i don't know exactly what i drank, but i was out like a light even before oc got to reply to my text.

and so, back to my colorful, not-so-laid-back life. i'm swamped with papers (my desk's been dubbed mount everest) and swamped with work to do. i'm trying to tie up loose ends and make sure i don't miss out on anything so they don't have to chase me.

i've been on a massive fishing expedition these past few days, trying to get people to say that they'll miss me. today, i managed to weasel out a yes to my question of "will you miss me?" from jonathan, amidst a lot of laughter and resistance. it's nice to hear that (although i think he said it to get me off the phone); i'm glad to have worked with a fellow crazy. anyway, so that's one down, the rest of the [shroud] world to go. :)

three more days to go, then i close a chapter of my life. it's got a lot of memories in it, not all of them fond, but there are a lot of people worth keeping.

must.. not.. get.. sad..

Saturday, March 10 x 12:16 AM

life is crazy. sooo crazy.

work is crazy. oculars, all-nighters, overtime, all-day meetings, somerset salcedo, blow-up floorplans, timetables and marketing plans, foreign partners, consul-generals and stolen shots.. confused? i am.

as if all that action wasn't dizzying enough, we've got a "friendly" married guy who can't seem to get a hint, a joke picture of me labeled as "the girlfriend in the philippines", and other equally embarrassing pictures of me to be sent to some ron weasley look-alike that they're trying to set me up with.

while i don't pray for boredom, i wish for the ability to enjoy all this and come out of it unscathed. and the ability to not regret anything stupid. and the ability to not do anything stupid.