Friday, September 29 x 11:57 PM

DISCLAIMER: TO ANYONE WHO'S TEXTED ME IN THE PAST 24 HOURS, i'm sorry for not replying. phone's busted, haven't been able to turn it on. am currently using my old phone, but i lost my contacts.

FRIENDS, PLEASE YM ME OR TEXT ME YOUR CELLPHONE NUMBERS, MY PHONE'S CONTACTS ALL GOT ERASED. :'( MY NUMBER'S STILL THE SAME, MY YM ID IS kweesee_garcia. THANKSYOO!

"it's just one of 'em days.."

yup. today was a rollercoaster of emotions, with extreme ups and downs.

down: tears, screams, hurtful words.
up: a cup of water and a starbucks napkin from beejay, the listening ears of shane and angs.
down: getting bitten by huge-ass red ants on the sidewalk in front of the office.
up: the genset staying on till 4p.m.
down: my phone going wonky on me. :'(
up: helping clean out our storage area.
down: dust, coughs, sneezes, loud exclamations, and dirty hands.
up: i'm "special", beejay trying to make me smile, shane's advice, seeing the baristi get starry-eyed upon seeing benjie paras.
down: spending P---.-- on starbucks alone today.
up: going home early on a friday.
down: red carpet's dinner didn't push through.
up: hung out with ervin and edward at jupiter, kim telling ghost stories.
down: genset off for about an hour; hot!
up: there's electricity here at home, nathan's alive, my old 8250 still works.

i want to be numb.. i'm hitting a slump again. i just want the world to be full of possibilities again. i want to feel like i have the world at my fingertips; right now, i feel it slipping away from me.

i'm sleepy but i know i won't fall asleep just yet.. i wish cable were on, can't sleep without tv.

Wednesday, September 27 x 12:35 AM

and so..

last friday was fun. i went to ua&p to visit dianne and watch a couple of groups perform. lead singer of not so fast = cute. :) leaned on the tidings-mcduffy table (my butt touched history!), had a nice talk in starbucks after.

weekend was a blur, except for during my goddaughter's baptism. there was a moment when someone's (i don't know whose) body odor assailed our nostrils, and fanning ourselves just made it stronger.

monday was pretty bleh. there are some problems, and people have been warning me about it. i guess i just refused to listen, but yeah. i think now, i'll listen and take their advice.

ian, wesh, rina, dianne, angs, beejay, ice, kim, ervin.. thank you. thank you a million times. i don't think i would've been this "strong" without you guys. just having someone to talk to made this ordeal bearable enough.

am i weak for feeling this? am i weak for wanting to deal with things the way i want to? i know it might be the coward's way out, but i'm just so unhappy with the way things are now.

feelings can be hard to overcome.. it can be really confusing, because you don't know if it's fleeting or real. people have told me to get over some things, others have told me to wait it out; others have told me that time will tell, and still others have told me to follow my heart.

in one way, i tried to get over my feelings. it's hard at times, but i know this is for the best. with my current problem, i'm following my heart. if i'm unhappy, then i'm going to find a way to stop being unhappy. i'm going to hurt some people with my decision, but i'm going to end up hurting someone no matter what i choose. it can't be helped. it'll hurt me, but not as much as not listening to my gut feel.

i'm afraid, though, that my decision will have more repercussions than i imagine.

Friday, September 22 x 1:49 AM

i got home at around 1:30 this morning, and i have to go to work early today.. it's so not me. I LOVE IT.

wesh, eddie, kay, joel and i decided to go salsa dancing at y tu mama tambien in the fort this evening. i ended up coming home first, barely missing kay, who picked up eddie here in pearl. ian and triska, his friend (who is such an excellent dancer!) got there shortly after. i hope we didn't freak them out with all our weirdness. ;p joel got lost, and by the time kay, eddie and i were ready to leave, they had just finished their drinks.

salsa lessons = FUN FUN FUN!!!!!!!!!!!! ian taught me some moves (naks!) and i worked up a sweat trying to keep up with him.

"uh, duh. he's an athlete." - tricia

kay, eddie and i want to go back. we plan on going back. :)

thanks very muchly to kay for driving us home!!!!!! we passed by her office to pick up ralph, her officemate, and then she drove us home. (ralph's a very fun guy, btw.) well, that's the shortened version. let's just say that it involved several wrong turns, a motorcycle, batting of eyelashes, underwear, and profuse apologies.

it was an adventure, to say the least.

we passed by starbucks jupiter on our way home, and i saw angs, marvin and beejay from afar. i wanted to stop and greet angs, but it was pretty late. so i'll do it here.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

angs, shane and i plan on going salsa dancing soon. i'm sooo excited. :) kay and eddie are going to embassy tomorrow, but i also have plans with dianne, and i'm bringing ninna and raymond along. i also want to pass by joel's birthday in antipolo, but it's my goddaughter's baptism sunday morning.

work hard (haha, i just pretend to work hard), play even harder.

Wednesday, September 20 x 12:29 AM

first up, HABURDEI TO THE BESTEST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!! i love you sooo very very much!

came from ninna's house tonight, i missed her and i'm glad i went. we had a great time laughing, i ended up screaming because i didn't know they had another dog and it tried hiding between my legs, and i was so suprised to see that nolie looks so different.

all these adjustments i'm making are hard. i'm getting used to being a whole lot more alone in the office, not crushing on my crush (because.. because. it's not right.), budgeting my money, and thinking of things that are bigger than me. there are things i just can't talk about, because i have to be the strong one. there are things weighing me down and crushing me, and there are things that i wish i didn't feel.

i've gotten into the habit of escaping into daydreams again. when i'm not daydreaming, i'm quiet, sad, or just plain irritable. i don't want to crack under pressure, i want to be strong and prove to everyone i'm not this little baby girl who's just pa-cute all the time. it's fun being doted on by the bosses and my officemates, but i'm not cute and talkative and mahirit 24/7.

i guess this is just a phase i'm going through. it sucks to be me sometimes.

Monday, September 18 x 9:01 PM

Follow Through by Gavin DeGraw

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet

So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune
Oh, look what I'm holding here in my fire
This is for you
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart

So since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
[For] you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

The words you say to me are unlike anything
That's ever been said
And what you do to me is unlike anything
That's ever been
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart

So since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
[For] you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
[For] you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
You're gonna have to follow

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?

***********

i'm adjusting, and it's hard. harder than i thought and expected. i had it sooo easy right after grad. while i was made responsible for several things at work, i never had to take charge of a project in its entirety, see everything through, nor did i have to delegate. i had weshie with me at work too.

now, i'm taking charge of a huge project. and weshie isn't there anymore. i kept myself busy today just so i wouldn't notice that her desk was empty. i cleaned out my desk, filed all my papers, organized my files on my pc, and finished the powerpoint for friday. i didn't talk much or make anyone kulit, i guess i just wanted some alone time. but as i logged out this evening, i couldn't help but see her timecard above mine, and it made me feel really sad.

***i just deleted two whole paragraphs. i realized i shouldn't be thinking about these things anymore, so forgive the lack of fluidity in this entry.***

the sad part about it is, i need friends more than romantic prospects. unless my romantic prospect is a friend. so yeah, i made a fool of myself tonight. (the two paragraphs explained it all. if you're curious, ask me.)

the worst part of it all is that i made a fool of myself not only once, but TWICE today. how brilliant. the second time around hurt even more than the first booboo.

i hope i get over this. rina and i just realized that quarter life crisis does exist, and it doesn't just hit the jobless, moneyless and loveless.

Sunday, September 17 x 1:28 AM

i'm missing tricia already.. and i just spent 24 hours with her.

thanks for everything weshie.. work wouldn't have been this much fun (and bearable) if i didn't have you. auww, so sappy. but true. i'll miss you my payaso..

friday night, we had a despedida for wesh at zhananghai in gb2. i slept over at weshie's, watched house season 2, drank cranberry + rum and bora, nodded off while wesh, joel and sabaw reminisced, and woke up just in time to realize a certain manyak teacher from st. paul ended up in zobel. eww.

woke up at 10 past this morning, watched some more house, ate yummy yummy ice cream at theobroma, and headed off to makati with weshie, joel and sabaw. got picked up at glorietta at around 3, then hibernated as soon as i got home.

eddie just passed by the condo in the middle of me writing this. would've been nice to hang out, but i'm going to mass early tomorrow morning so i couldn't. eddie, hope you don't get picked up by random strangers on your way home. ;)

Thursday, September 14 x 9:48 PM

oh lookie..



i don't want to talk about him anymore. i don't want to invest my feelings in him. so from now on, i'm going to try to just stop wanting to see him, stop dwelling over the things he says and does, and just focus on my project, my career, my friends, and my family.

sooo.. will power, help me out here..

Wednesday, September 13 x 11:22 PM

confusion all around. this day just isn't a good day.

*cue in: "cos i've had a bad day.."*

deep inside, i felt really crummy.

so i make myself feel better by:
- chatting up ian in the car on our way to megamall
- ym-ing buddies dianne and rinatots
- watching the trailers for oth season 4 (james lafferty is sooo hot, he made me happy)
- stealing this from istippini!:


who was the last person

1. You hung out with?:: -
2. Saw you cry? wek?:: from laughter? weshie and sherad this evening!
3. Went to the movies with you??:: dianne, last friday, the devil wears prada!
4.You went to the mall with?:: family, sunday.
5. You went to breakfast, lunch, or dinner with?:: breakfast - dad; lunch - officemates; dinner / coffee - weshie, sherad, ian at starbucks, and my dad here at home.
6. You talked on the phone to?:: steve dods from new zealand. wehehehe.
7.Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it?:: rinatots!!!
8. Made you laugh?:: sherad!!!

Would you rather

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?:: tongue!
2. Be serious or be funny?:: funny.
3. Drink whole or skim milk?:: whole. although i should start drinking skim.
4. Die in a fire or drown?:: neither. i want an instantaneous, painless death.
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?:: parents. i can't NOT spend time with them. i get homesick easily.

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R. .
1. candy or flower?:: both!
2. Gray or black?:: black.
3. Color or Black and white photos?:: it depends.. black and white, maybe?
4. Lust or love?:: with my love comes my lust. ;p
5. Sunrise or sunset?:: sunset. i love nights.
6. M&Ms or Skittles?:: choclit! M&Ms! especially the red and brown ones. :D
7.Staying up late or waking up early?:: up late. god knows i can't wake up early to save my life.

A N S W E R . T R U T H F U L L Y !!
1. Do you like anyone?:: i do. unfortunately.
2. Do they know it?:: i don't know.. i really don't know.

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R. .
1. Sun or moon?:: the moon. it makes you crazy. ;p
2. Winter or Fall?:: both! i love the cold, but fall is also really beautiful. but we don't have either in the philippines, so bleh.
3. Left or right?:: right.
4.10 acquaintances or having two best friends?:: 2 best friends. always.
5. Sunny or rainy?:: rainy! it's just soo romantic. :D
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?:: chocolate!!!

A B O U T . Y O U!
1. What time is it?:: 11:35 p.m.
2. First Name?:: christine marie
3. Nickname(s)::: chrissie, kweesee, baby girl, crazy, squeaky, pest attractor (don't ask), chris (i don't like this last one).
4. What do you want?:: him. a venue for the shroud. money. my one and only great love. a great career. a happy life. him. white mocha. i want a lot of things.
5. How many kids do you want?:: two, and i want them to be fraternal twins: a boy and a girl. if not, i want a boy first, then a girl 2 years later.
6. You want to get married?:: always wanted to.

U N I Q U E !
1. Nervous habit::: smiling at anyone who looks at me.
2. Are you double jointed?:: nope. kinky naman ng question na yan.
3. Can you roll your tongue?:: uhuh!
4. Can you raise one eyebrow?:: yep! for those much-needed taray moments.
5. Ever fallen in love with someone of the samegender?:: not love.. hehehe.

1. Which shoe goes on first?:: left.
2. Ever thrown a shoe at someone?:: nope. why didn't i? anyone volunteer to be the recipient of a thrown shoe?
3. On the average, how much money do you carrywith you?:: i don't count, so i don't keep track of how much i spend. ;p
4. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?:: twirl. it's funner that way.
5. Have you ever eaten Spam?:: spam jam spam jam spam jam!
6. Favorite ice cream::: chocolate. anything to do with chocolate. mint chocolate chip.
7. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?:: several. don't make me count.
8. What's your favorite beverage?:: water and coffee.
9. Do you cook?:: i can.. boil water, microwave hotdogs, heat up food..

IN . T H E . L A S T . M O N T H . H A V E . YOU ?
1. Had a b/f or g/f?:: I HAVE NO LOVELIFE, THANK YOU.
2. Bought something::: every morning. ;p
3. Sang::: a little bit this afternoon..
4. Been hugged::: by sherad!!! :D
5. Felt stupid::: i felt stupid the whole day today.
7. Missed someone::: i'm missing so many people right now.
8. Got drunk::: nope. plan to this friday!
9. Gotten your hair cut::: nope.
10. Cried::: about to.
11. Lied::: yes. i lie, especially to myself.

Saturday, September 9 x 1:50 AM

because i haven't gone online in several days, and i really want to blog.

just got back from shang. dianne and i watched the devil wears prada. it's nice enough. not deeply profound, but it's entertaining.

mibf's done, a big hello to everyone i saw.. let me see if this old brain of mine still works.
vittorio, iking, audrey, ian, peimon, elka, em, cai, ma'am oreta, cathy, elbert, jay, auntie lor, uncle dinky and if i forgot you i'm sorry; and to the people i didn't see: rap, yasha, sir andrew.

i've been working 12 days straight. i'm tired beyond words, and i plan on hibernating all of tomorrow. so if you text me, i'm sorry, i'll get back to you on sunday.