Saturday, February 17 x 10:22 PM
i am beginning to love grey's anatomy."What have I got? I can't even remember the last time we kissed. Because you never think the last time is the last time. You think you have forever, but you don't. Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. I need something to happen. I just need a sign. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope, and in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today." - dr. meredith grey
when there's nowhere to go but up, everything seems better than it really is. but at the end of the day, when you're laying in bed alone, reality hits hard. so you sleep, because it's all that you can do.
to you: i don't know what you're trying to do, or what you're thinking. like i said earlier, i don't know the real you. nor do i want to get to know the real you. i don't want to know what you're thinking. i don't want to be your friend. i don't want to hear your stories. i don't want to play games.
truth is, i know more than you think i know. you think you're playing me, but i actually have the upper hand. i'm watching you play a practical joke on me, knowing all along what's happening, letting you think that the joke's on me when it's really on you. i COULD reveal my cards and put you in your place, but i don't want to be the one who makes you question everything you know.
i don't even want revenge. i don't want to see you hurt. i have no desire to make you feel guilty. i just want to be rid of you. i don't need someone like you in my life. i don't need any negativity. i'll be starting anew soon, and you won't be a part of my life then.
i'll admit that i'm hurt. you made me question why someone would want to manipulate me. but i don't want you to make me feel better about myself. i just want you to leave me alone. or at least be honest with me.
"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need." - dr. meredith grey
a huge thanks to dianne for indulging me last night, and to rj for accompanying me even if he shouldn't have, and to carlo and the rest of their friends for keeping my mind off things, even just for a night. wish i could've gone out tonight, but yeah. next time.