Monday, December 25 x 11:32 PM

first and foremost, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

that said, this has been the best and worst christmas ever.

irvin left for the states last night, just before the clock struck 12. it was really depressing.. i'm really going to miss him a lot. it's slowly sinking in that i'm not going to see him walk into starbucks anymore. and i know it's really selfish of me, but i wish he'd come back in 4 days, since that's how long he technically needs to stay.

no more lunch buddy, no more coffee buddy, no more evening talks, no more spontaneous dinners or lakads, no more texts in the middle of the day.

i made a deal with blue: if i could give him half a million boxes then he'd stay. but right now, i don't think i'm going to be able to stay either. i'm beginning to feel that it's time to move on. it wouldn't be fair of me to ask him to stay when i'm not sure if i want to stay. so operation box is now officially off.. it's hard for me to do that, because now, chances are he's only going to stay for a month.

if ever, that'll make 3 losses in 1 month. it's a little difficult to bear, because these are people i see everyday. they're people i look forward to seeing everyday. angs is leaving pretty soon, and i still owe him a night out. i wish i was totally selfless, i wish i could be completely happy for them. and i am happy for them. but a huge chunk of me wishes they could stay, wishes they wouldn't leave me.

but that's what people do. they move on to better things. no one remains stagnant, nor should they. but it doesn't make it any less painful for the people they leave behind.

first, it was wesh. then ian and ice, and for a while, rhea. now, beejay, irvin, angs, and maybe blue. irish will be gone in a month too.. that's 8 less reasons to smile each day.