Friday, May 26 x 1:02 AM

written at 1:30 a.m.

i can't sleep. i'm worried about tomorrow. the real world's scary. i'm scared of messing up, of disappointing.

last night, i broke down in tears. in the middle of nowhere. i just felt so bad, about how everything was out of my hands, how it could all end this way. ganito na lang ba talaga?

i'm sad about it, sure. how can i not be? he was one of the few friends that i trusted completely. i just can't shake off this feeling, like i'm too high-maintenance a friend, or too demanding. i don't want to be that, especially since people think that i feel like this because i like him. i guess it all boils down to us drifting apart and me trying to bring it back to the happier days. i see now that things have changed. our situations are different, our lives have taken different paths. most importantly, we're not the same people we used to be. as i said before, whatever is worth taking to the future will be with me.

so to you: i'm sorry if i'm hard to understand. i'm not mad at you; i just feel like our friendship's a chore to you, and i'd rather end the friendship than have you feel obligated to me. i've never been one to force myself on anybody, and i certainly won't do that to you. at least, not anymore.

*sigh* i wish this didn't sound so melodramatic, or too paawa, because i'm not trying to get pity friendships.

i'm also too sleepy to type anything more than this. goodnight, world..